MIXED-UP yet Still Growing

Growing up is really a process. It takes one through stages and various experiences; some of which are very memorable, while others passed as though they never came. I will try not to say too much about many things… possibly, I will limit this write up to some of my experiences and the way I feel about relationships.

As a kid, I didn't have any expectations about my life with regards to relationship with people. I just knew family and friends. Somehow, I knew there could be enemies too, but that didn’t bother me too much because, at least, I did not know any at the time. Gender was never really an issue, because it seemed we all felt equal, except when we really want to get very physical in sports and the likes… still, there was no much difference because some persons of the other sex were up to it.

At the mid-stage of primary school, it began to happen. I knew then what it meant to be shy; obviously to the opposite sex, especially that one I admired. Hmm… I even admired them at that time (unbelievable).

(Continued)

I remember Tunrayo: I couldn’t even look straight to her face, scared I would be caught. Chibudom, was one class ahead of me or so, still her presence around me anytime, always made me feel uneasy. Not easily forgettable is Oyindamola. I can’t remember ever saying a spoken word to her, but somehow I think I told her that “there is something about you,” in my mind. She was little then (like I wasn’t too) and had this aura that was charming. They were not so many then and I wasn’t so sure what all that feeling for them was really all about.

I had to go to the next phase of life. Then secondary school came with a whole lot of similar feelings, only that this one’s seemed to be more specific than the ones I had in my primary school days. I will talk about only two; one in my junior classes and the other in my senior classes …ok two in my senior class. Since my feelings were not shared with some of these persons I am referring to, both then and now, I would not mention their names. But if they ever read this, I am sure they will know that they are the ones I refer to.

I went to a mixed school and we mingled. That is what we were expected to do, though I can hardly remember a time when I really mingled in my junior classes. I had two seat mates all through those classes who equaled as my best friends at the time (they are male of course), and that was enough for me. But surrounded around me were girls; dull and intelligent, orobo and lekpa, well-mannered and ill-mannered, all sorts. I cared less about these things because I didn't care. Not until I was accused by one of my seatmates – Dare, for liking a girl, Kaay, because of a kind gesture I offered her at his dispense. I ignored him, or so I thought but later realized that I did the direct opposite.

Kaay was sleek, lekpa and intelligent (…I think I have a thing for intelligent girls), and I didn't notice this all these while. She even sat not too far from me. Wow… Dare was not far from the truth. My gesture of kindness to her the other day, and Dare’s reactions were probably just nature’s way of bringing us together. “Now I have realized this and I think I like her too, what do I do with it?” I got shy and found every means to avoid her, especially talking to her. I don’t know if she noticed all these, or felt the way I felt at the time, but we never said a thing about it to each other. The feelings grew, but words and moral to express them where only desired (I no get dat kind liver).

To Be Continued…