The hardest part of this post is giving it a title. At a point, I felt I should post it without a title, but I just had to settle for this one. "He will hurt you, surely". What am I talking about? Discover for yourself. But I think I should have used: "Your Partner will hurt you: Surely"...anyway, that's by the way.
Back then in school, I recall giving counsels to many who had challenges
in their relationship and from the feedback I get, it usually worked. This
baffled me a lot then, because I never gave any of these advises from
experience – you know how they say that experience is the best teacher? I
cannot say that I am a vast reader or a TV person who probably would have read
or watched things (other peoples experiences) that could inspire good counsel,
but somehow, I was able to rise up to the occasion. I guess it is inborn (for my mind).
I use to think to myself and ask how I would end up when I finally get myself
into a conscious relationship.
I wondered if I would be able to advice myself and actually listen. Would I
live up to my own expectations? Would I be able to reach out to more
experienced people for advice on relationship matters? I was never in a haste to
get myself into a relationship. So, for all that time I only could imagine how
I would manage it myself.
On the long run, I think I got ready and got involved. It was a
different ball game. I came to realise how easy it is to be a coach. In real life situations, it’s not
about talking the talk, but walking the walk or both (am not giving you any
details today **tongue out**). All my strategies were not just adequate for me
and I ended up hurting her as many times as she could count – she was really
counting o… God! Was it really me in that position?
We just need to keep living, no matter what. None is perfect. We can
only strive for perfection, and inherent in these strives are mistakes and more
mistakes, failures and disappointments no matter how much we try. It is only
foolish men that dwell in the negatives of their efforts. There is always room
for improvement, there is always room for making things right, there is always
a room for not holding on to past mistakes but looking forward to better days
ahead. It is in this room I stand. But this room has to be shared with your
partner; that is the only way growth in any relationship can be achieved.
Wait o… I just observed something: you love gist a lot o…lol. See you! But
its true naa (Still laughing)
Anyways, the summary of all I am trying to say is that you should have
it at the back of your mind that even when he or she loves you so, he will not
always live up to your expectation(s). Feel free to feel the hurt, but don’t dwell
in it. Try understanding what really caused it, discuss it with him or her if
you must and in all use your head and move on. Life is to short and too
beautiful to remain in the state of hurts and disappointments.
Cheers!
P.S.: Tomi 'Molola has been absent from blogville for a while now. Who knows her whereabouts before I raise a false alarm of a missing person?
You know Papi, there are people like that...They got a great insight on how things should be done without ever experiencing it....Those are unique qualities you have there. The truth is no one is perfect and that's why there are words like 'misunderstandings' 'miscommunication' 'quarrels' and all others....Of course, you will get hurt buh what do you do? - You fix it! When you can't fix it, you let it go..Simple mehn!
ReplyDeleteSee why I am a fan? I love how you write, I can totally relate to it.
You are a delight, and your comments heartening. I was only trying to make sense o... thank God, somehow, you just totally relate to it. Thanks.
DeleteBut G-Mami, where is My Mami naa?
You and your incomplete gists sef! I like how you said it's very easy to be a coach and be giving theories but walking the walk is hard that's very true.
ReplyDeleteHowever I'd like to add that you should also be able to "draw the line" (according to ya blogpost :-p) and not stay in a relationship you can't cope with just because you think hurt is part of a relationship. Nothing is more important than peace of mind as far as I'm concerned. My opinion though.
...and Mami appears - Great!
DeleteYou know I always love your opinions...
Being able to cope or not has got nothing to do with hurt in a relationship o. One funny thing I know about relationships is that, even things that should not matter, most times cause the hurting (think about it).
Peace of mind which is most important, is a more IDEAL concept, except the one that comes from loving God with all your hearts.
Life is funny tho...... It is very easy to advice other people when it comes to relationship issues.
ReplyDeleteHowever, when reality sets in, it becomes a different ball game for us. That said, in relationships generally, we have to learn to tolerate and accommodate the other persons behavior. In all, love and respect people but 'do not give them the authority to always make you sad' when it gets to this point, look for the door and use it.
I love these words you used and the way you used them too: "Tolerate and Accommodate" | "Love and Respect". Indeed, no one has the right to make his partner *always* sad. Like you said, when you have such a person and he/she constantly makes you sad, find the door and use it...but how often do people get so messed up and can't make that decision.
DeleteThanks for stopping by Sharon... do come more often.
When so you're a counselor? See ehn I have this terrible habit of expecting too much from people. I always assume people are wired the way I am. I really want to stop this cos it leads to a lot of disappointments.
ReplyDeleteTomi Molola is well!!!!! Thanks for your concern darling
One of life's key lesson on this is that we cant all be the same no mater what. Be conscious about this and you will be more accommodating despite your differences.
DeleteIt's good to know that Tomi Molola is well & back **SmileS**
Nice and straight to the point..
ReplyDeleteThanks Martins.
DeleteIsn't it funny how some advices are easy to give but somehow the counselor still falls into the same mistakes? My dear that is why according to Erniesha we are not perfect and that is why we should have good mentors.. How you deal with whatever and move on is what matters.
ReplyDeleteWww.trendwithgloria.blogspot.com
Dealing with issues and being able to move on takes grace... Somehow, we just have to move on even when the issue seems to be a hard nut to crack...abi?
DeleteThanks Glo for your comment.
We are not perfect no one is. The most important thing is to make conscious efforts everyday to be better. The truth is every relationship has its own ups and downs. And lowering your expectations of a perfect person makes the down times more bearable..
ReplyDeleteGABBY SPEAKS BLOG
So true... I love the way you put this: "lowering your expectations of a perfect person makes the down times more bearable".
DeleteIf only we all could realise this.
This is touching...knowing well that someone you so much love will hurt you. How I wished live exists without heartbreaken.
ReplyDeleteAnyway Love would have been bored without heartbreak and disappointment.
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My Lover's Trick
If only wishes were horses... But you have a point there o; Love would be boring without its challenges.
Delete