When will you Marry?

“When will you marry? This year, Next year…” This is a game I once played as a kid. Did you play it too while skipping rope with friends? As you skip the rope, the 12 months of the year will be mentioned and the month you miss the skip, becomes the month you will marry according to the game. You will be surprised at how well I can skip – I played this game a lot as a kid and I remember how I would intentionally allow myself to be caught on my favourite month (February). Somehow, then I always wished I get married on my birth month.

One funny thing about the “when will you marry” song in the skipping game, is that it does not shy away from the fact that some people will never marry and some people will forever remain confused on the issue of marriage. Do you know how to sing the song? Oya, lets sing it together:

“When will you marry; this year, next year, sometime or never? January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August…?”

Finish it yourself naa… lol.

You might be wondering why on earth I chose to blog on this topic. It is obviously one of those topics I consider to a large extent, a gender bias topic. The female folks seem to be the ones that bother themselves a lot about this question – not that guys don’t too, but you just can’t compare. Why this is the case cannot be farfetched, as a couple of reasons will quickly come to mind; It is sometimes said that ladies have their expiring date as it concerns their marriage worth. A 22 years old girl already has marriage exclusively at the back of her mind, that’s if she is not married already. She gets to 25, and she is on top of her game, trying hard to ensure that she sways any heaven sent guy who would propose to her. By 28 – 31, it becomes more than a serious matter. Then she begins to wonder and ask herself who she has offended, and most likely starts visiting spiritual houses for any solutions they can offer. 33… hmm! But, is this expiring date thing for real?

I got chatting with a girl friend of mine not too long ago. I was complimenting her on her beauty when she told me that she gets that too often lately. For many ladies, this is a wonderful thing, but my friend did not feel easy with the rave review. In her own words, lemme share her fears;

“To be truthful eehn! Sometimes I feel like I’m at my peak ooo.”

“Makes me feel like marriage is close, very close.” She said.

I have tried to imagine what must have been going through her mind for her to have expressed such fears, but that’s the best I can do; just imagine.

Peer pressure is probably one of the most influential factors to when you will marry, just after family pressure. In this part of the world, the place of the family in your final decision of whom you will finally settle with and when you will marry cannot be overemphasised. It cracks my head seeing the extent to which some families go in influencing their children’s choice of who to marry based on family, business, ethnic ties or some other reasons. They don't care if you are in a relationship or not, their choice is just impose on you. Some parents parents are not really interested in who their child marries, all they want is for their child to go and marry. This is usually the case  when they entertain an unwarranted fear of the unknown; 
"she has not shown us her boyfriend yet, not to talk of mentioning a guy in a conversation before, and it is over a year now since she graduated from the university". 
Or, 
"this my child does not want me to see my grand children before I leave this world, his (her) plans will not work".

“The last time I checked, many of my classmates in school are now married. They keep inviting me to be in their bridal train. My wardrobe is filled with asoebi, some of which I have not even finished paying for.”  This came from a friend of mine. She told me that she had been chief bridesmaid for A, B and C. This instance may have been exaggerated, but the pressure is real and it can be frustrating for many. “What is wrong with me?” Some would ask. “Am I invincible to all these men, or am I not just good enough to be asked out or what?” This can be a real cause depression for many. Answering the ultimate question, “when will I marry?” then becomes an issh.

How do you see yourself? What level of esteem do you hold for yourself? How well have you improved yourself over the years? What is your interpersonal relationship skills like? What are your domestic skills like? What kind of influences do you allow on yourself? What books do you read? What movies do you watch? Who do you roll with? What is your spiritual life like? Do you even have plans for yourself? All these, if well answered can guide you in answering the “when will you marry” question. 

"As soon as I finish my University education I will get married", a lady said. Another: "I want to make money first and be comfortable before I will look at any mans face". And another: "before I get to 24, I should be married" . "My parents are willing to support me get married to this girl", a guy said. And another: "Mehn, God's time is the best, I am still enjoying my life now".
Obviously, you don’t just wakeup and marry. It takes a process which for me begins with friendship before any relationship (basic and intimate) and subsequently, courtship and marriage. The progression you can make from one stage to another, if at all, is totally your choice, no matter the influence surrounding it.

It is not my intention to use this post to proffer any solution to the problems I have identified. I don't see myself in a good position to do that, because I myself is still on the verge of answering the ultimate question...lol. I wish you help out here. Let’s share useful thoughts on dealing with the pressures that comes to us (male and especially female) in trying to answer the question “when will you marry?” or is it “will I ever marry?”

Cheers!


PS: Thanks for taking your time to visit my blog. In a special way, I sight you Chincobee, Blogoratti, Anita, Justina et all... You may not know, but I am a fan of yours: keep inspiring me. Thanks.