About that Relationship; You may not know.

This was supposed to be my first post on my blog this year 2015, but matters in Nigeria got me so distracted that I had to blog on “Life of Nigerians Should Come First”, "Naija Politics; What a wonder" and “I have been Disenfranchised”. Anyways, I have left that matter to God, while I stand aside and watch.


It’s February, the month of love. The expectations are high on lovers (whether true of false lovers). Even me, I am anxious about the period and don’t want to be found wanting. I could live this month like every other month, that is, if I am single or if I do not have anybody I want to wow at the time… but of course, expectations are high on me and I no wan fumble.

I want to share with you some things I learnt from a girl, who took her time to teach me from real life experience(s), some basics on relationship. Many of us (young people) go into relationships, not knowing how to go about it, how to comport ourselves. Many-a-time, we expect allot form our partners, but fall short of character and basic relationship etiquettes. These lessons could be useful to you, you may not know. See for yourself...

Before going on, note that I write as a guy, so I will sound like I am talking to guys alone, but there is a message for both genders.   

SHE TAUGHT ME

Sometime in 2014, I met this wonderful girl – when I say girl, I mean a pretty young girl, but fully of wisdom (now I know wisdom has nothing really to do with age). She is adorned with beauty too and has a very admirable heart. Her name is … … …I got you there. Did you really think I would mention her name? Maybe I would, but not now and maybe not on this piece.

The circumstances in which these relationship lessons I will share with you were learnt, are not in the scope of this piece, but know that it was a mixture of activities and experiences that happened over a period of time. Maybe in subsequent blogging, I will delve into it... Maybe o!

So I begin; you may not know.

Everything counts: The first lesson here is that in your relationship, everything counts; your actions

and inactions; everything. Nothing should be taken for granted, not even the way you walk, talk, dress, eat, look, laugh etc. and very importantly, the things you don’t do too are noticed and it could be the factor that will make or mare your relationship.

Distance relationships should not be dared just like that. No matter what you feel, do not go into a distant relationship without giving it proper considerations. You need self-reassurance of your readiness to meet the demands of that kind of relationship: constant communication, planned and unplanned visitation, and other forms of sacrifices so needed to build confidence in a relationship and strengthen it over time. Some may see these as stressful and can’t keep up. “Why not save yourself all the stress and work on relationship with someone who is not far away?” They may ask. In any case, your heart has to be in it.

Never say “A” and do not do it. It is important that you don’t take the things you say or the promises you make lightly. You may say “A”, stick to it. For instance, if you tell her you will call first thing in the morning; don’t call her after you brush your teeth. Call her first thing in the morning. I will not say more.

Constantly remind her of what she means to you. Many a times, we seem to be contended with our sincere actions and show of love and affections, and forget that she want to not just feel it, but also hear it at various times and in various ways. Tell her what she means to you and mean it.

You need to know the things so dear to her. This is a lesson that shouldn't be taken for granted. She wants you to know that beyond the things you feel for her, you will also love the things she loves. Nothing gladdens her more than the knowledge this; that you revere those people, things, situations, styles and memories she so much cherishes. If she doesn't take her family for granted, then you should Love, not just her, but her family too. If it is her Church, then you should show maximum respect to everything that concerns it. It could be any other thing. Pay very close attention to her and possibly investigate to find out these things. Take this seriously and she will amaze you.

Give her attention when she speaks. Whenever you two communicate, you should be able to know when she really wants you to listen; it could be listening to her experience, complaint or any stuff from the abundance of her heart (she has a lot in that heart of hers, even her mind **what’s the difference?). She loves to know that she has a listening ear. Don’t listen just for the sake, pay close attention to her for her sake and most, for your sake (try doing this and you will find out eventually why I say “your sake”).

Make your point, don’t stress it. She would normally stress issues (that’s her nature, or so I guess). If you do likewise, she consciously or unconsciously gets irritated. You can’t be competing with her in stuffs like that. If you have a point to make, make it like a man. Be straight. Don’t beat around, don’t stress issues.

Make her realize you have plans for her. You cannot just be in a relationship just for the sake. You need to have plans and make her realize them, because the longer she stays without knowing you have plans for her and what they entails (even in hints), the more she starts getting unsettled about the relationship. Don’t just be in her life for the sake of it and colonise her without having plans for her.

There are other lessons, more than these ones I have mentioned here, but I won’t go further. Most of these things are common-sense finally, but we all know how much common-sense can be taken for granted.

In conclusion, I will say; if you love her, never take her for granted and treat her right.

NB: For the ladies reading this, …abeg eeeh, know that you can’t find perfection in any guy. The moment you do find, pick race… the guy is a fake. If you Love, your head should be there (as in; use your head). If your head is there, things will make sense to you more. Appreciate your bobo and the efforts he makes and if your love for him is real, “help him”. If you do, you will be amazed at how wonderful he will become as the days go by; your Man.

Now I am smiling… I wish “she” gets to read this. I am grateful to her still. 

Anyways, thanks for reading. Drop comments if any; you may feel I contradict what you know or believe on any of the points I have highlighted. You want to throw more light on them or... Feel free.

Thanks for your time and don't get things twisted... I have not written as an authority in relationship matters, but just as I have assumed based on lessons I learnt from her about that relationship; you may not know.