Can I classify myself as a nice guy? Yesterday at work a senior college dropped her key and I was close by, so I bent down and picked it for her and she sounded impressed (like it was a big deal) and called me a gentle man. Later in the day, another college sought for a person to do her a favour (don’t ask me what the favour is), and I was quickly recommended by the earlier lady and of course, with the reason that I am nice and wouldn’t decline doing the favour. I did not disappoint her either. This was just yesterday. There are numerous examples in the past of me being nice to people (male and female alike) without even me giving my action a second thought. But now I have come to realise that I should give it a second thought.
It has become more apparent to me that generally, people take advantage of the niceness of nice people. You might be nice and love it because it is good to be nice, but the other person who has come to realise it (usually, indirectly) sees it as a (your) weakness and takes advantage of it. He always comes to you knowing you won’t refuse him. Now, the time you would have spent looking out for yourself or doing something that will be of gain to you suffer for the other persons sake.
Funnily, your being nice can be a reason for people to be suspicious of you. There is this common say I heard while growing up; nothing goes for nothing, this is just how many people view life. Your actions, though from a sincere heart, seeking no gains whatsoever, is seen as a move by you that targets an interest sooner or later. I remember when I was in school, a lady walked up to me and asked if I had plans of contesting for the Student Union Government (SUG) leadership, I smiled and asked her why she felt so and she simply told me that the way I was becoming prominent all of a sudden and being nice… I later realised that those that wanted to vie for leadership positions all of a sudden become very nice to everyone, just because of their aspirations. You know how people become nice to you all of a sudden, just because they want a favour from you.
I once complained to myself about the quality of friends I have around me (especially the female once) and just recently, I have come to also realise that being a nice guy or a gentle man seems to be the major cause of it. Truly nice people can take a lot of shit and somehow, those with loads of shit tend to linger around their world since it feels accommodating. She is overly emotional, she knows this and the fact that she has to work on it, then she finds him, Mr nice guy – he accommodates her excesses. Why won’t she stick to him? She will do all she can to remain in his world and so will her likes. This is just an example and I probably speaking from experience.
It’s good to be nice o, but as they say, charity begins at home. To all the nice guys out there (gentlemen and ladies), I recommend that you should learn to be nice to yourselves first. You can’t spend all your time for others; you must have time for yourself too. You should be able to know how to strike a balance in your life, know when to draw the line and give others the courage to do things themselves and be there for themselves too. One thing you don't know is that you are dispensable. If you are no more in the picture, life goes on for them as they will simple find another.
It makes sense to me when the legendary afrobeat artist and human right activist Fela sang the “I no be gentle man at all o”. I see it as meaning I may be nice, but will not allow myself to be taken for granted.
Gata go... Have a great day being nice, but use your head.
Being nice is sometimes seen as being stupid and a lot of people take advantage of it. I have no problem with that, so long as it doesn't affect you negatively.ReplyDelete
I am of the opinion that, there is usually a negative effect...but it can be managed, that's what matters and that is when I can say "I have no problem with that".Delete
Thanks for stopping by.
Great post Ugo, I completely agree with you. I hate the fact that some people can suddenly be nice just cos they need a favour from you. A lot of times we fall prey to it and by the time we realise it and want to be firm, they will turn around and call you a bad person. So the rule is "be Nice but be Wise"ReplyDelete
My word of the day is "be nice but be wise"... I am feeling the rhyme. *SmileS*Delete
Nkem, as always thanks for adding your voice here.
I am just going to echo what my blog crush said again - "Be nice but be wise"ReplyDelete
Niceness is usually taken for granted. I know that for a truth. People take you for a ride, you are considered weak and not assertive a lot of times. Should it stop you from being nice? NO! You should however learn to stamp your feet on the ground sometimes. Do what wouldn't hurt you in the long run. Great read.
Did I read you write blog crush? Lol... That's serious o.Delete
Saying No has been identified as one of the major challenges of Nice people. You are right when you say they should learn to stamp their feet on the ground sometimes.
I noticed it's your first time in this space... I am glad to have you come around.
Some people will be nice to you just for the benefit they want to get from you. It's good to be nice but it's best to apply wisdom when at it.ReplyDelete
BMF, I believe you when you say this... Remember the dude that expected you to be nice enough to advertise on your space for free? Lol... Wisdom applied. *shines teeth*Delete
Been nice is not bad,but one shuld be moderate on how he goes about itReplyDelete
Moderation in being nice... hmmm!Delete
I do not know you personally, but seeing your pictures and reading your articles, I know that you are nice. It's like an aura and I'm not psychic *well...kinda* there's this genuineness in your write-ups that pulls people to you, it's like they've known you for a long while.
I think we should all set out to be nice from now on. Did you read the Peter Bello's tributes? I was at the Church of Divine Mercy during his memorial service and you should have seen the crowd of people all coming to say their goodbyes. When I say crowd, I mean that the parking lot was filled with cars from friends, acquaintances and the general public. One thing everyone kept repeating about him was the fact that he was kind and very nice. He died at 26 and he had already touched people's lives.
I guess that in all, we really need to forget that people take kindness for granted, and really be nice.
Peter Bello... May his soul rest in peace. Indeed, when at that age, you have a lot of people speak so well of you, then you really must have been very nice and one of a kind.Delete
Adaeze Writes , you know it's not easy to forget things just like that especially when it hurts your feeling. I do not subscribe to holding on to wrongs, I am only of the opinion that we should guard ourselves from being taken for granted over our niceness. Being Nice requires Humility and not foolishness.
Aspa your opinion on the way I write, I can only say hmmmmmmm...! Lol (No fear, no bi mess *tongue out*). I guess it's just my way of telling my stories and informing/educating my readers at once. I am excited you and others are reading and are reasoning with me.
Psychic chick, I must say you are amazing, thanks for your comments.
Boundaries are important. It is important also to note, not all "nice" is truly nice, there is "nice" with an agenda- to win favor, to be liked, to gain access to knowledge/inside track to cheat another out of a promotion/position and there is "nice" without strings, nice for the sake of nice. Regardless to all the aforementioned you got to insert boundaries, know your worth and value and understanding that No is not a four letter word and it is sometimes best used in situations where its warranted and to prevent manipulation of your person.
The Key though, if you doing something for another do it without expectation, don't even wait or anticipate a thank you, be kind because it is what you choose to do, within limits of course i.e. boundaries.
Thanks for the addition, especially your emphasis on boundaries... We should know our limits and the limits of expectations on us before we act, this helps us manage our niceness reasonably.Delete
Thanks again... you are truly a blessing.
Yea.. you are right but that should not still stopped you from been nice sir. I think the quality of been nice and gentle is natural, you can't alter it.ReplyDelete
The qualities - nice and gentle, being natural is something I can relate with, but that it can't be altered is what I will rather not agree with.Those acts (niceness and gentleness) are subject to our consciousness and such, with awareness of ourselves and environment, it can be altered based on our choice. We shouldn't blame such acts on nature.Delete
Thanks for your voice here.
Be nice o, be good o but apply wisdom..ReplyDelete
That's the summary... Thanks Glo.Delete
Some people will take your nice attitude for granted. Be good anyways... You surely have a reward from God. Stay blessed!ReplyDelete
ckjacob.blogspot.com for suspense stories
Like that Christmas song that say: be good for goodness sake...lol. God rewards our goodness and that's what matters.Delete
Thanks for your comment.
Everything in life (including being nice) has its Pros and Cons. Remember God is watching you in 3D ;)ReplyDelete
I wonder if His 3D TV can be measure in inches... lol. Mbok, thanks for stopping by.Delete
Just keep been nice as nothing can be replaced with it. Whosoever advised you to change to something else is not really saying the reality.ReplyDelete
My brother you won't regret been nice to others.
Reasons why some people failed where other passed