Friday 23 October 2015

We Are Just Friends


We were best of friends or so I thought until I got a job, then she started to complain; “you hardly call, every time all you do is chat, chat and chat… Facebook messenger, Watsapp and BBM”…and I am like “mmmm?”  That was when it dawn on me that something was either up or wrong.
Every form of association you have with another person is a relationship. I know you agree with me there… Thank you *SmileS*. What matters in any/every relationship is the fact that it needs to be defined. In one way of the other, we all define our relationship with people. The only problem is that most of us define these relationships rather unconsciously and as such, have little or no control of the direction the relationship goes or what it becomes.
You are on holidays (say 3 months) and you decide to spend it in an uncle’s place. After a week there, you begin to mingle with your age group in your new location. After 2 - 3 weeks, you find out that you have met quite a number of people... And even more, there is a particular one that you get to spend most of your time with both physically and on social media (chatting…). Up to this point you have not had any form of discussion with this person concerning your relationship together… you just move with the flow (This is not my story; it is just an illustration ooo).
That is how I got myself more than one girlfriend at a time without realising it o. The two girls, abi three seeef, were very wonderful people in their own ways and I like a lot about them. I was being myself, free and nice to them, communicating often with them on anything and nearly everything, including their well being, family and other areas of interest. They shared some of their stories and secrets with me, and all the while I just felt that it was all ok, after all, what are friends for? (yes now...) That was how I got myself "girlfriends" without consciously “chykin” any… na wa ooo, only me! I had no clue until funny complains started coming from them - this was after my broke and lazy ass got a job. I guess that was when I put on my thinking cap and realised that in the process of being friends with these ladies and not caring to define the relationship, I had since unconsciously defined it – They were my Girl Friends. Whaaaaaat!
Ya 'll should have a thinking cap
I know what I passed through to clear the air and get them to understand me and our friendship for what it really is… I could have saved myself all that stress from the onset if only we had defined our relationship. Of course, they did not all take it lightly with me. In trying to set things right, I told one "We are just friends". She was vexed and swore not to have anything to do with me again, she really felt hurt and I wish it didn't have to go this way. The other took it in good faith and the 3rd became my babe (*winks*), cause I had to choose and we reached an understanding.
I know you love to hear these stories. I have them, why hold them back and so I share them with you. I do not share them for you to judge me o. I know you will judge me anyways…lol. I share this story because of the lessons in them. If you like, get it, if you like be enjoying the stories like Nollywood home video, that’s your palava. Get the moral - that's the reason for sharing.
Define every relationship you have with people, especially those who are more closely connected to you as a result of space, circumstances, association, statues etc. You should know what you want from anyone that comes around you and this should inform who should stay or not. Friendship should not be exploitative instead, it should be beneficial to every party involved.

31 comments:

  1. Good one bro. You are absolutely right.

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  2. UgoooooooooOooooo

    I will be back

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    1. I am waiting for your 2nd coming bee... *SmileS*

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    2. Am back..dont mind me.i almost thought it was ur story but I love the last paragraph most

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    3. ...but Bee, what if it was my story? It is obvious you love stories. Lol

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  3. Hmmmm. It's always good to define a relationship consciously or unconsciously. Always draw the line between a colleague and a friend, a neighbour, etc and keep to the boundaries

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    1. Unconsciously kee... Mba o! You need to have your two eyes open when defining relationships o.... That's my take....mmmm. lol

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    2. when i say unconsciously, i mean by all means define the relationship
      I don't understand your "mmmm"

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    3. By "mmmm" I meant *thinking further on the unconsciously you mentioned*
      Thanks for coming back to explain further... Now I understand better.

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  4. Beautiful post Ugo!
    It was an interesting and educating post.

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  5. Ugo Ugo...don't lie you didn't enjoy it for a moment..i agree on your take

    Glowyshoes's blog

    My Facebook

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    1. Heheheheeeeee! That's all I can say. *Smiles*

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  6. Ugo, you are spot on with this post. The truth is, girls have a way of seeing 'closeness' between themselves and a guy to mean something deeper. Not all girls though but some. Yes, we need to define our relationships at every point in our lives. That's why I define mine every step of the way, call me forward ooo but...I can't keep taking paracetamol over a self-inflicted heartbreak.

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    1. You know, this is how even the boo geti boo...lol
      "I can't keep taking paracetamol over a self-inflicted heartbreak" ...you can say that again. Many ladies should know these things for a fact and save themselves unnecessary tears shed.
      Cheers Adaeze!

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  7. So u come go go get 3 babes Okwaya namesake.. ehh? I am suspecting u big time joor.
    Anyways, I feel one shouldn't get too attached and personal to a lady or guy especially when you don't want to go to the next level with them. By the time you start showing some funny funny signs, they may misinterpret it for relationship. Ugo ke kwanu.

    pamscrib.blogspot.com

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    1. Shea you know everyone is guilty until proven guilty... me seef, I'm suspecting you too o...lol.
      This showing signs in relationship when you should be discussing things can be risky o. That's one mistake many of us still make. God bless you for stopping by namesake. **SmileS** Odimma.

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  8. Hnmmmm, don't know what to say to Ugo at this moment. Let me just buliv you sha!
    www.alabekee.com

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  9. Lol! Funny writeup. I believe in defining relationships from the onset. Its a conscious decision on my part in order to avoid misunderstandings. And if you don't have any intentions of going into a relationship with the opposite sex, its best to set boundaries in your conversations so as not to give out wrong signals to the other person.

    evitaspeaks.blogspot.com

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    1. Some people naturally like challenges. When you even set your barriers, it propels them even more to come at you. It happens ooo...lol
      Thanks for stopping by Evita.

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  10. Eehn! Do you are one of those guys that will be doing friend friend thingz, Choi! Busted.
    Truth be told eehn we need to define our relationship with the opposite sex expressly I hate to imply or assume "sebi we are close, he likes me can't do a without seeing me"dats stories for the gods

    Bolateethole.blogspot.com

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    1. Busted keee? Anyway, you are not so wrong shaa, I use to do friend things a lot o, but now I am giving myself more brains.

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  11. Replies
    1. I don't even know why they like to assume seef...

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  12. While not defining it and even when defined, one can be carried especially if you are enjoying the relationship.
    Better still define it or like the author, you may learn the hard way; which most of us have or are experiencing. Abi na lie?

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    1. No bi lie o...lol.
      Anonymous, you sound like someone who knows this story very well... I feel you. Thanks for stopping by. Much Love!

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