We Are Just Friends

We were best of friends or so I thought until I got a job, then she started to complain; “you hardly call, every time all you do is chat, chat and chat… Facebook messenger, Watsapp and BBM”…and I am like “mmmm?”  That was when it dawn on me that something was either up or wrong.

Every form of association you have with another person is a relationship. I know you agree with me there… Thank you *SmileS*. What matters in any/every relationship is the fact that it needs to be defined. In one way of the other, we all define our relationship with people. The only problem is that most of us define these relationships rather unconsciously and as such, have little or no control of the direction the relationship goes or what it becomes.

You are on holidays (say 3 months) and you decide to spend it in an uncle’s place. After a week there, you begin to mingle with your age group in your new location. After 2 - 3 weeks, you find out that you have met quite a number of people... And even more, there is a particular one that you get to spend most of your time with both physically and on social media (chatting…). Up to this point you have not had any form of discussion with this person concerning your relationship together… you just move with the flow (This is not my story; it is just an illustration ooo).

That is how I got myself more than one girlfriend at a time without realising it o. The two girls, abi three seeef, were very wonderful people in their own ways and I like a lot about them. I was being myself, free and nice to them, communicating often with them on anything and nearly everything, including their well being, family and other areas of interest. They shared some of their stories and secrets with me, and all the while I just felt that it was all ok, after all, what are friends for? (yes now...) That was how I got myself "girlfriends" without consciously “chykin” any… na wa ooo, only me! I had no clue until funny complains started coming from them - this was after my broke and lazy ass got a job. I guess that was when I put on my thinking cap and realised that in the process of being friends with these ladies and not caring to define the relationship, I had since unconsciously defined it – They were my Girl Friends. Whaaaaaat!

Ya 'll should have a thinking cap

I know what I passed through to clear the air and get them to understand me and our friendship for what it really is… I could have saved myself all that stress from the onset if only we had defined our relationship. Of course, they did not all take it lightly with me. In trying to set things right, I told one "We are just friends". She was vexed and swore not to have anything to do with me again, she really felt hurt and I wish it didn't have to go this way. The other took it in good faith and the 3^rd became my babe (*winks*), cause I had to choose and we reached an understanding.

I know you love to hear these stories. I have them, why hold them back and so I share them with you. I do not share them for you to judge me o. I know you will judge me anyways…lol. I share this story because of the lessons in them. If you like, get it, if you like be enjoying the stories like Nollywood home video, that’s your palava. Get the moral - that's the reason for sharing.

Define every relationship you have with people, especially those who are more closely connected to you as a result of space, circumstances, association, statues etc. You should know what you want from anyone that comes around you and this should inform who should stay or not. Friendship should not be exploitative instead, it should be beneficial to every party involved.